


Hold Me

by ObsessiveDisorder



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 00:11:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7552576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsessiveDisorder/pseuds/ObsessiveDisorder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Promises are set in place to protect everyone, but everyday can still be a struggle. Ashlyn doesn't know what Ali wants anymore, and she hits her breaking point when the Olympic roster is announced.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Me

They never went to bed angry with each other. It was a promise they made many years ago, before the team found out about them, before their short breakup and before anyone had even heard of ‘Krashlyn’. It was before their World Cup win and before their faces were recognized in busy airports and food markets. The promise to go to bed after resolutions and goodnight kisses was made well before they had grown up. A young Ashlyn Harris made that promise as she looked into Ali Krieger’s eyes and thought of all the mistakes her parents made and the divorce Ali had survived as a child. They'd resolve their differences before the sun could rise on a new day and Ashlyn was sure that such a small action could save her from following in her parent’s footsteps; it’d save her from herself.

That promise worked for arguments, but they never figured out how to handle resentments and jealousy and a distance that felt more permanent with each passing day. It all started after the World Cup, as they celebrated one of their dearest friend’s nuptials. They were a few drinks in and several songs were spent in one another's arms. Ashlyn pressed a light kiss just below Ali’s ear and whispered, “I can't wait to marry you.” Ali froze in Ashlyn’s embrace and when the blonde pulled back, she saw something new in Ali’s eyes- hesitance. “Alex?”

“Let's just enjoy the night.” Ali pulled Ashlyn close again and held her tightly. Ashlyn’s mind was everywhere but in that ballroom and in her lover’s arms. The security that had once wrapped around her heart thanks to Ali was now starting to shake.

Later, much later that night, Ashlyn threw her suit jacket aside and loosened the tie around her neck. She pressed her hands into her hips as she watched Ali undress slowly. She was gorgeous and the ensemble she wore only accentuated the many areas Ashlyn found most delectable. Ashlyn swallowed hard against emotion, against desire, against fear- she tried to swallow back the question she needed to ask: “Alex, do you not see getting married as part of our future?”

Ali stopped undressing, one heel in her hand and the other still on her foot. She sighed. “I see myself as an Olympian first, then I see myself planning a future beyond soccer.”

Ashlyn’s head fell. She knew this. She knew from the moment Ali hit the ground and held her knee as she cried. When Ali Krieger was sidelined for the 2012 Olympics, Ashlyn knew that making it to the next would be her sole focus. But Ashlyn was naïve when it came to Ali, she still believed she could be part of all those dreams.

“I'm sorry…” Ali stepped forward but Ashlyn dodged any touch that may come her way.

“I wasn't asking you to marry me today, Al.” Ashlyn looked at Ali sadly. “I just wanted you to know that someday, if I'm lucky enough to marry you,” Ashlyn nearly choked on her words, never truly doubting that Ali and her would end up together until now. “It'd be the best day of my life.”

“Oh, Ash…” Ali moved quickly, not allowing Ashlyn to escape her again and framed the blonde’s face in her hands. “I love you.” She kissed the goalkeeper fiercely

“I love you, too.” Ashlyn looked directly into shining brown eyes and let the storm in her heart calm for the moment. Maybe Ali did see the same future as she did.

**xxx**

  
“Orlando is forming a team,” Ashlyn started the scariest conversation of her life. “And I want to be a part of it.” Ali looked up at her from where she was seated on the edge of their bed.

“Orlando?”

“Yeah, it's not too far from where I grew up and Alex is going to be near Serv-“

“So she's moving towards her husband and you're what? Moving away from your girlfriend?” Ali stood up and started to pace. “We have a life here, Ash!”

“I know, but this is such a great opportunity for me. My family can see me play on a regular basis. I don't get that now- not here in DC and never with the National Team.” Ashlyn grabbed Ali’s hand to keep her still. “You know how hard this has been for me- never getting the minutes.” She traced Ali’s palm with her thumb.

“You’re the star keeper for the Spirit.” Ali’s point fell flat. Ashlyn had been vocal about her struggles with the National Team and no amount of club play could fix that. Ali also knew how great it felt to play at home in front of family and friends regularly. “How could you decide this without talking to me?” A single tear fell down Ali’s cheek.

“I didn't decide anything and I'm talking to you now.”

“I can see it in your eyes that you've made up your mind. You're excited.” Ali wiped at her stubborn tears. Ashlyn pulled her into a hug.

“I want this, I won't lie to you, but I don't want to do something that'll tear us apart.” She rubbed her hands up and down Ali’s back, focusing on how the material of her shirt warmed beneath her palms. She pulled back and looked into Ali’s eyes.

“Is this because of what I said at Syd’s wedding?” Ali asked and her chin started to quiver. “Because a wedding isn't worth this.”

“What?” Ashlyn stepped back, caught off guard by Ali’s words.

“We’re happy, we’re committed- we don't need to be married right now and if that's why you're leaving-“

“Al,” Ashlyn placed a finger over the defender’s lips. “I want to play in Orlando because Florida is my home. And I want you to come with me, but I know you won't leave your home.” Ashlyn traced Ali’s jaw line and smiled in spite of feeling her heart break a little. “We’ll be okay.” Ashlyn pulled Ali into a hug and buried her nose into fragrant hair. She closed her eyes and prayed for a miracle, prayed that the words she just said were true.

**xxx**

  
Ashlyn and Ali were an argumentative couple, always. From day one they'd catch themselves in heated (but mostly friendly) debates. Their other teammates would often tease them about acting like an old married couple. But now, their arguments were no longer part of casual conversation- their arguments were their only conversations.

Late night phone calls ended abruptly. Ali would call Ashlyn after a tough loss just to hear her girlfriend yell into the phone to be heard over the bustle of a crowded bar. Their mutual friends who lived in Florida would tag Ashlyn in photos from previous nights with multiple pretty women draped against her. Ashlyn would defend herself and Ali would constantly ask if that was the reason why she wanted to move away. Ashlyn's defense mechanisms would kick into high gear at the mere mention of her being unfaithful. That had broken them up before and she was still sore from it. Ali knew better than to push that button and yet, it was the first button she went for during these late night conversations.

“I want to talk to my girlfriend at the end of a hard day,” Ali said. “But she'd rather go out and enjoy the attention of other women.”

“Ali, you're being ridiculous.” Ashlyn slurred her warning. She didn't drink much, but she was tired from training and a double of Johnny Walker had her feeling loose.

“Am I? What'll it be tonight? Two blondes and a brunette? Or will the redhead from last weekend make a reappearance? You couldn't wait to move away and now I know why.”

“They ask for pictures, not the other way around.” Ashlyn defended.

“Enjoy your night with your fans or groupies or whatever. Goodnight.” Ali hung up before Ashlyn could say another word.

Ashlyn pressed her phone to her forehead and grimaced. Every weekend they had the same conversation, a few words were different here and there, but the heart of it was the same. She felt a tap on her shoulder and looked to see Alex Morgan showing her a message on her phone.

_Ali Krieger: Please watch Ashlyn tonight._

“You know I don't like getting involved.” Alex looked at her friend sternly.

“And you know I'd never do anything to hurt her.” Ashlyn squared her shoulders.

“I know,” Alex relaxed and wrapped her arm around Ashlyn. “But does Ali know that?”

Ashlyn didn't have the answer.

**xxx**

Ashlyn Harris had been hurt before, both physically and emotionally. She's been hurt by friends, family, lovers, and of course- coaches. It sounds silly, but not making a roster felt a lot like being told you're the least favorite child in a family of twenty-two. When Ashlyn got the news, she couldn't say she was surprised, but she was devastated. She laid on her bed and stared at her ceiling fan as it went around and around, the quiet whirring of the motor doing little to ease her mind.

“Wanna talk about it?” Ali asked. She had flown in as soon as she could, wanting to both celebrate her accomplishments and soothe Ashlyn's painful dejection.

“No, Alex, I don't. Just like I said I didn't want to talk about it ten minutes ago.” Ashlyn snapped. She wanted Ali there but at the same time she wanted to wallow alone like the loser she was.

“Ash, please, I know you're upset-“

“Do you? Do you really, Al? Because I don't think you know shit about how I'm feeling right now.” Ashlyn stood and walked to be toe-to-toe with her girlfriend.

“Then tell me!” Ali nearly begged.

“I'm not good enough! I'm not good enough for the Olympics, for this team, and I'm not good enough for you!” Ashlyn’s nostrils flared. She barely registered the way Ali stepped back from her with a flinch. “There, I talked about it! Are you happy now?”

“Ash…”

“All we do is argue and when we’re not arguing it's radio silence. I'm falling behind here, Al, and you're moving forward.”

“Ashlyn, you're not making any sense.” Ali placed her hands on Ashlyn’s shoulder’s and tried to make the goalkeeper’s eyes meet her own. Ashlyn kept her gaze on the floor.

“How happy are you? Personally, I mean. Tell me this still feels as good for you as it did before the World Cup. God, Alex, we were two completely different people. We would live for every moment- small and large. We’d imagine our lives together as they moved beyond soccer.” Ashlyn finally looked Ali in the eye. “You couldn't even talk about marrying me. A gold medal changed us.”

“No it didn't,” Ali said desperately. “We’re just finding our footing right now. The distance is hard and now with the Olympics, we have to work on our schedules.”

“Maybe we don't need this…” Ashlyn shook her head.

“What do you mean?” Ashlyn knew by the wounded, worried look in Ali’s eyes that the defender knew exactly what she meant.  
  
“You can focus solely on the Olympics and bringing home that gold you've dreamt of since you were little, and I'll be able to focus on what comes next for me- as an athlete and as a person.”

“Please don't do this,” Ali’s eyes filled with tears.

“It's for the best, no? You can't focus on a future with me right now and that makes it hard for me to focus on getting through today.” Ashlyn shook her head, trying to clear her muddled thoughts that came and went more quickly than she could handle. “I wanted you here today because all I needed was to be held close and told that I am good enough, but I'm finding it hard to feel that way with you because I don't know if you plan on sticking around.” Ashlyn’s own tears blurred her vision. She had never pictured herself walking away from Ali Krieger, in her darkest nightmares it was the other way around. But this seemed like the only way at least one of them could succeed, and to her Ali deserved all the success in the world.

“I see myself marrying you.” Ali confessed in a broken whisper. “I see myself as the mother of your children and the person who withers away to nothing at your side.”

“I don't want to hold you back,” Ashlyn shrugged.

“You're not, you never did.” Ali closed the distance between them and took a deep breath. She wrapped her arms around Ashlyn's waist and looked up into sad eyes. When she smiles widely, the vibrant smile that always weakened Ashlyn’s knees, Ashlyn started to cry more. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Ashlyn barely managed to choke out the words.

“You scared me. The night of Syd’s wedding, you absolutely terrified me.”

“We’ve always talked about-“ Ali clasped her hand over Ashlyn’s mouth.

“Shh. Let me talk.” Ashlyn nodded before Ali continued. “You mentioned marrying me and in a split second I saw it all: the white dress, people dancing around us, the most beautiful, large diamond on my finger,” Ali smirked and her shoulders relaxed when Ashlyn laughed. “What I envisioned? I felt it, Ashlyn. I felt it in my soul and that scared me shitless!”

“Why?” Ashlyn whispered in awe. In all the years she had been with Ali, it never ceased to amaze her that someone so perfect loved her so much.

“Because if you had asked me to marry you then, I would've said yes. If you had ask me to drop everything and run away with you, I would have.” Ali felt along Ashlyn’s strong shoulders before placing her hands over the goalkeeper’s heart. “I've never felt that way before. When I told you that I saw myself as an Olympian first, I was reminding myself of that. My love for you makes me forget about these huge things in my life and that's scary!”

“It was the suit.” Ashlyn joked. She caught Ali's hand before it could playfully swat her, and kissed her knuckles.

“I got jealous when I saw you with other women,”

“You don't say!” Ashlyn gawked dramatically.

“Because,” Ali continued undeterred, “I was afraid that someone else would come along and replace me and get to have all these things with you that I dreamed of.”

“Alex,” Ashlyn tucked a strand of hair behind Ali’s ear and smiled softly. “Every one of those moments you've dreamed of have belonged to you since the moment I met you. No one can replace you; your heart or this ass.” Ashlyn pinched Ali’s butt and laughed as the shorter woman yelped in her arms. “I love you, forever, and I can't wait to marry you.” She kissed Ali's forehead and walked away, leaving her alone in the bedroom.

“Ash? Are we done talking? I really thought all of that would lead to at least a little action.” Ali started to follow but Ashlyn returned a second later with her hands behind her back.

“Oh there will definitely be action, but first I need to ask you a question.” Ashlyn got down on one knee. Ali gasped, one hand flying over her mouth. Ashlyn looked up to Ali as she explained, “I was going to wait until after the Olympics, but considering the bullshit that's been building up…” Ashlyn revealed the ring box she was hiding and opened it to show off a sizable diamond solitaire, princess cut of course. “I was ready to let you go so you could fly without anything weighing you down, but now I realize that our fears were holding us both back and we’re made to fly together. So, Alexandra Blaire Krieger, will you marry me?”

“Yes!” Ali starting flailing her hands, so much so that Ashlyn struggled to capture her left hand and secure the ring onto her finger. She was enveloped by Ali, arms and legs wrapping around her body, and kissed so passionately she was sure her lips would be bruised for weeks to come. But that didn't stop her from going in for another and another and another…

Later that evening, as they lay spent in one another's arms, Ali turned to Ashlyn and said, “Allie is gonna be so pissed.”

“Why’s that?” Sleepy, sex-brained Ashlyn was very confused as to what Allie Long had to do with their lives in that moment.

“Everyone is doting on her as the bride-to-be. I'm going to steal her thunder.” Ali's words sounded a lot more like a declaration instead of a concerned observation.

“I won't have a say in this wedding, will I?” Ashlyn asked with a knowing smirk.

“You'll get to pick your suit.” Ali kissed her, long and slow, controlling the heat with expert skills. “All you'll have to do is show up looking sexy.”

“I think I can manage that for my future wife.” Ashlyn leaned in for another kiss, but her fiancée’s lips were nowhere to be found.

“This ring,” Ali pointed to her new favorite accessory, “means no more pictures with strange, gorgeous women in bars, got it? If they're fans they can keep a respectable distance.”

“Got it.” Ashlyn saluted.

“And talk to your club about me joining the team next year.” Ashlyn sat up in shock. “You want to play where your family is. I'm going to be your wife- I'm coming with you. I figure we can live there during the season, and in DC during the off-season.”

"You've really been thinking about this, haven't you?” Ashlyn asked as she played the plan over and over in her head.

“Just during the minutes I spent missing you.” Ali kissed Ashlyn softly and pulled back to grin, her tongue peeking out between her teeth. “We’re getting married!”

"We are." Ashlyn pulled Ali back down onto the mattress where they burrowed under the covers. “We are getting married.”

Ashlyn’s cheeks ached with a broad smile. They had made promises when they were younger, and now she was older and prepared for a while new set of promises. She fell asleep in Ali’s arms that night, feeling safer and more secure than she ever had. Ashlyn Harris was good enough for so much more than she ever imagined.

 


End file.
